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When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.
Bing, bang, boom!
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.
Q: What’s the difference between orphans and apples?
A: Apples get picked.
How do you get an emo out of a tree? Cut the rope.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the stage at the performance?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
Get up, you lazybones!
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
10, being in the middle, tried to prevent 9/11 from getting closer.
Sorry, I meant 9 and 11.
You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Why can’t an orphan get suspended or expelled from school? Because they need to contact parents.
What do a track meet and a frat house have in common?
They both have something getting ran through by eight men while it just sits there.
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!