Get jokes

What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)

You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?

Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?

Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?

A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"

Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!

Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.

Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!

Sans: Yea bro.

Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.

I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.

What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?

Only one gets fuel.

We spend the weekend getting the poop out!

Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?

Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?

What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?

"Get off me, homes!"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!

9/11 called for help. What did that get? Nothing.

What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.

What’s the difference between a kid with cancer and a dark humor joke?

They never get old.

What mountain do people like to race on?

Mount Rushmore.

Get it?

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!

Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

So he could get into high school.

A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"

He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.

The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."