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Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
They were always saying "Bach, Bach, Bach". And his cows preferred Moo-zak.
Why did Oliver have no friends?
His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress up as the altar boy.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Memes
Why do orphans love playing tennis?
Because it’s the only love they get.
Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It gets really tense.
What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.
That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
Why do disabled people always get picked on?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."