Get jokes
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.
What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?
A Brick can get laid.
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!
Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the other side.
I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...
Then it hit me!
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
Kid: I want to be Batman.
Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.
How do bees get to school? On a school buzz.
Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Guys, we should stop telling orphan jokes. Their parents will get mad. Oh...
Why don’t rappers ever get lost?
They always have a SICK FLOW to follow.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?
Because they’ll get chapped lips.
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.