Get jokes
Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.
Please no harsh comments toward each other.
How do fish get to school?
On a octobus.
Lol.
Funny things or weird things to say to someone.
Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.
It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!
Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.
Baby-Bugga-Boo.
Fuzzkins.
Lumpy.
Nilly.
Ninty Minty.
and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!
Dark humor is like COVID-19... Not everyone gets it.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
Memes
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!
What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
Where do astronaut cows go to get milk?
The Milky Way!
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
How did the retard get hurt raking the leaves?
Fell out of the tree.
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.
Why did the Mushroom get invited to so many parties?
He was a fungi!
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....
Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!