Get jokes

Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"

The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"

Johnny replies: "Sure."

After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.

Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"

The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."

After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.

To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.

“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”

“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped.

A mushroom walked into a pub.

He asked the bartender to give him a beer.

The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."

The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"

What is a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.

How many times does 47 fit into 9?

Get in the van and find out.

Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the retard's house.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

How do you get 1 million followers:

{ RUN THROUGH AFRICA WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER }

A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.

I AM SO SORRY!

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands. (This joke is good because it never gets old.)

What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.

That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...

If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."

I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.

How do fish get high?

Because they eat seaweed.

Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?

A: She kept stepping on a rake.

Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor

How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?

Stop eating caterpillars.