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Why can't emos stand in chairs?

Because they never get down.

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.

Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.

Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.

I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one!

Why do orphans play GTA? To get wanted.

Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?

A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.

Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?

What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!

What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?

An emo.

When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

Bing, bang, boom!

Why do orphans not have cheese on their burgers? They don't have a dad to get milk.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?

One gets picked.

Why did the cheetah get kicked out of poker?

'Cause he was a cheetah.

Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it.

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

Me vs. the emo kid: we go to high-five a tree. I get a high five; the emo kid is left hanging.

Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!