Funny jokes

Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?

A: He thought they tasted funny.

A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"

The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."

Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?

He was actually quite funny...

He just blew the delivery.

(I'll show myself out).

What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.

What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.

Those two jokes are not funny at all!

What's worse than funny condom fails?

Jake Paul.

Why can’t organs have a family bag of chips?

Because they have no family to share it with.

What's an orphan's favorite website?

It has a homepage.

How do you keep a blind kid entertained?

You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piñata.

Can I put my baaaaalls in yo jaaaaaaws?

What do you call a strong, independent girl in Haryana?

Dead.

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

When the school shooter makes the emo kid hang himself and the autistic kid thinks it's a piñata: 🤪🏏

What do you call your sister if she only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Your dad.

But my dad's dead.

I know, just reminding you!

Monkey: What ya doing?

Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."

Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."

A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"

Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.

Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye

What is a queef?

Something your mum did in bed last night. 😩😩😩🍑🍑🍑🌬️🌬️🌬️🌪️🌪️🌪️

Family Guy funny moments.

Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...

A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"

"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"

They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"

"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"

One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.