Funeral jokes
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
exactly
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.
Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
The optimistic midget's coffin was half full.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
Q: Why is the graveyard so noisy? A: Because all the coffin.
If you don't get it, it means because of people coughing.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
Where do you go when food dies?
A fooderal.
What happened when the man died? Yes.