Funeral jokes
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Memes
giving people karma
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
Q: Why is the graveyard so noisy? A: Because all the coffin.
If you don't get it, it means because of people coughing.
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
What did they do with his body when he died?
They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!
Haha, dead.
He’s not dead, just his storage unit.
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I saw a small kid crying, so I asked him, "Where's your mom?" but he started crying, so I left the funeral. 🙂🙂