Funeral Jokes

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."

I saw a small kid crying, so I asked him, "Where's your mom?" but he started crying, so I left the funeral. 🙂🙂

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."

At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."

I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!

When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.

I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.

I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

There will be better punchlines at BlessedBrian’s FUNERAL than in his JOKES.

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

Little Johnny died.

What's a zig zag and made of wood?

Stephen's coffin.

How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.

Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”

The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”