Fruit jokes
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?
The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples are picked.
Do you know Ligma?
Have fun rubbing those balls in your tomatoes!
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What's the difference between a black person and an apple?
An apple chooses to hang.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples actually get picked.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"
And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."
Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."
And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"
And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"
And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"
And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.