Fruit jokes
What kind of fruit can fix your toilet?
A plum-mer.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
Q. What's a compulsive masturbator's favourite food?
A. Jackfruit
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me later!"
What fruit loves rollercoasters the most?
A kiwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
Why'd the orange lose the race?
Because it ran out of juice.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A Milano’s cherry.
Why is an apple not called a "red", but an orange is called an "orange"?
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked at least.
You know what they call pineapples in Paris?
I don't know, what?
Anus.
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
Why did the orange lose the race?
Because it ran out of juice!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite fruit?
Boisenberry.
Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.
I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.