Friendship Jokes

I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.

What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?

A ginger with friends.

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."

Like if this is you lmfao

The image shows a meme. The text reads 'Walking past a class that your friend is in.' A man is looking through a window.

Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"

Friend #2: "Apples"

Me: "I can hang myself in them."

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

Yo hairline is so crooked it makes your gay best friend look straight.

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

What did the salad say to pineapple?

"Lettuce be friends."

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.

The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.

"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.

"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.