My girlfiends a porn star
She kill me if she found out
A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones
A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit
What does an orphan's father and Nemo have in common.
They are both nowhere to be found.
son: Dad i know i’m adopted dad: well how do you know son: i found the adoption papers dad: that is for your mum
if you know you know
Your hairline is so long when you finally found the length of your hairline you told it to some one and they said don’t give me your phone number
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends Chad just murdered his wife Claire and after doing that he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after My moms reply: Jesus Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess won’t he
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out boys 2 men wasn't a delivery service
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
what's the difference between Nemo and my dad? Nemo was eventually found.
Scientists found water on Mars, mars-1 africa-0
I found Nemo
He was tasty
3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks “a Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea”
So Kenny finally found his one true love. But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.’’ “I still don’t get it” responded the Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night” said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ‘‘OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!’’
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever, and his friend asked did you get any head and the guy said no I couldn't find it.
The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971 and the Libertarian Party has lost every presidential election since 1972, and according to the Libertarian Party the Libertarian Party is the only political party in the United States that is the party of principle, If the Libertarian Party is the party of principle then why hasn't the Libertarian Party won a presidential election since 1972? Because it is politically motivated 👏 🙌 👍👍👌👌 🤔 💭 💡 🫢 😲 😭 😠 😡 🤬
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
2 women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement. Emma turns to Jane and says "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"r> Emma replies with "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
Heyyy I just found out my toaster is waterproof:D
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says "I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies "I have had to amputate both your legs" so the patent says "Well what is the good news?" the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers".................
