Food jokes
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
Q: What do women and KFC have in common?
A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.
What's a homeless person's favorite cookie?
Pooreos.
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
"Mice Krispies!"
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"