Food jokes

What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.

How did Jesus like his chicken?

Crucifried.

What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?

It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

Why can't Chinese play baseball?

Because they eat the bats.

What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.

Every culture has weird food.

Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.

Q: What do women and KFC have in common?

A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

What's a homeless person's favorite cookie?

Pooreos.

What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?

Cinco De Mayo.

If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...

My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"

Why did the shark spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny!

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?

Domi-nose.