Food jokes

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

How did Jesus like his chicken?

Crucifried.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?

It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.

Why can't Chinese play baseball?

Because they eat the bats.

What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

Q: What do women and KFC have in common?

A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Every culture has weird food.

Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.

I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.

What's a homeless person's favorite cookie?

Pooreos.

What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?

Cinco De Mayo.

My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"

If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...

Why did the shark spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny!

Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?

He does not like roasted vegetables.

Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.