Food jokes
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
What do you call a rooster lollipop?
A cock sucker!
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
Why do orphans not like cereal? Because their dad never came back with milk.
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
What type of pizza did the twin towers order?
Plain.
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?
“Chip Chip Hooray!”
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.