Food jokes
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Memes
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
What do you call a rooster lollipop?
A cock sucker!
When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
Why do orphans not like cereal? Because their dad never came back with milk.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
Ever tried African food?
Neither have they.
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.