Food jokes
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
Memes
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
IHOP.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
An apple gets picked.