My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
IHOP.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.
1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.
I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
An apple gets picked.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
This isn't ketchup.
