Food jokes
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
Can orphans go to a family restaurant?
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
Why did the kid drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
What is a gay person’s favourite meal?
Willy con carne.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”