Food jokes
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.
How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.
What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Memes
What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?
Mash potato.
I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
PORK-CHOP
Note to self.
When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".
Google "cream pie recipes".
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What did music tell the pancakes? -- B flat.
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
CURRY in a hurry.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.