My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
Food Jokes
We must start a propaganda for baked beans.
I can't believe this!
Pizza is round and it comes in a square box, and you cut it into a triangle.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why didn’t the grape 🍇 leave her family?
Because she loved raisin' kids!
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat!
Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.
How did the cookie 🍪 feel when he was dunked in milk?
Batter.
Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
Why can't orphans have a large bag of chips? Because they're family sized.
What do you call a cut cucumber?
A guy with no legs.
What kind of flour do orphans use to make bread?
Self-raising.
What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...
It don't moan when u put milk inside.
My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Half of it. 🐛
