What does Stephen Hawking put his food in? A microwave.
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
Yo momma so fat, when she said, "Order in the court," she really meant burgers and fries.
What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.
What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?
They both are hung.
I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.
Do emos eat...
Happy meals?
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.
She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
Why are Asians so bad at baseball? ... Because they ate the bat!
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Why did the tomato cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends on the other side.
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
Mama is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you...
