Food jokes
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
Hey, Hunger Games... I'm full!!
This ain't your mama's monologue.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
What's a skeleton's favorite food?
Spare ribs.
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes... rice-less!
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
What's an egg's favorite phrase?
An eggspression.
When do eggs hatch?
At the CRACK of dawn!
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.