Food jokes
I tried making vegetable soup yesterday, but I couldn’t fit the wheelchair in the pot.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.
What do you call a Chinese boxer?
U lamb chow.
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
What is never ordered in an orphanage?
A family sized pizza!
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?
Wife: In a detective novel.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza.
They only got plain.
What do you call a cow that's on the ground? Ground beef.
What was Jesus's favorite food?
Answer: Snails
Q: What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? A: Apples get picked.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.