Food jokes
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
Why didn't Stephen Hawking ever eat chicken wings? Because he didn't exist.
I tried making vegetable soup yesterday, but I couldn’t fit the wheelchair in the pot.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.
What do you call a Chinese boxer?
U lamb chow.
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
What is never ordered in an orphanage?
A family sized pizza!
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?
Wife: In a detective novel.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza.
They only got plain.
What do you call a cow that's on the ground? Ground beef.
What was Jesus's favorite food?
Answer: Snails
Q: What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? A: Apples get picked.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.