Food jokes

This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!

What is the difference between chocolate and sex?

I would rather eat the chocolate first and then make love.

My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.

Why can't I have any chocolate ice cream for dessert? Because I made it disappear up your ass for good.

Why did the Mexican take the tamale to the hospital?

Tamlito.

Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?

Son: No, I got 1k already.

Mom: Wait, what, how?

Son: Mom's wallet is magic.

Yo mama is so stupid, when she saw on her computer it said "You have 3 cookies," she broke it.

The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was a plane.

Why do orphans like milk so much?

Because they got no milk as a baby.

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach the potato chips!

BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!

Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.

BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!

Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.

Have you heard of the current event in Africa? It’s called the Hunger Games.

What’s your favorite food? Chode in the hole?

I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"

Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.

Why do I have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy?

My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.

What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?

You need more dressing.

Knock, knock.

Moon, give me cheese.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.