Food jokes
Why do orphans have a single chip? Because they don't have a full bag.
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? A Drive-Thru.
Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.
What's a lesbian's favorite candy?
Licorice.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
I can’t stand jokes about Germans.
They’re the wurst.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.