Food jokes
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
What do you call a flooded hospital?
Vegetable soup.
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?
When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.
Why did the lettuce win the race?
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?
A. The Jello has a higher IQ.
What is the best time to eat dinner?
When you're hungry.
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:
Starters - Foreplay
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl
Dessert - Blowy
Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.
Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?
A. A mixed vegetable.
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"