Food jokes
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
I can’t stand jokes about Germans.
They’re the wurst.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
What do you call a flooded hospital?
Vegetable soup.
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?
When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.
Why did the lettuce win the race?
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?
A. The Jello has a higher IQ.
What is the best time to eat dinner?
When you're hungry.