Food jokes
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
I'mma cashew outside!
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.