Food jokes
The Twin Towers ordered two pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plane.
Underground Fruit Association of N&C (UGFA)?
We’re bananas!
What do you call a nacho that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.
Did you just come from a bakery? Because you’ve got the hottest pair of buns I’ve seen all week.
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
You wonder where my dad is.
Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
Why do orphans hate apples?
Because they get picked over.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
I got a bowl of rice that you're formed like, an ice cube.
Why can't a Chinese kid play baseball?
They ate the bat!