Food jokes
You wonder where my dad is.
Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
Why do orphans hate apples?
Because they get picked over.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
I got a bowl of rice that you're formed like, an ice cube.
Why can't a Chinese kid play baseball?
They ate the bat!
They are delicious.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
What does an apple and an orphan have in common?
One gets picked.
At 9/11, the people in the Twin Towers ordered pizza. They asked for pepperoni, but instead got plane.
You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.
Jonny went to Disney and they had sour balls. He asked the cashier for some and he pulled down his pants.
Orphans don't like family sized chips, I wonder why.
How is the world's fattest avocado called?
Niko
What do you call a rooster lollipop?
A cock sucker!