Fives jokes
I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?
Logan Paul left him hanging.
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
What do you call five Black people having sex?
Threesome.
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
An e-girl went to go high five a tree, but the tree left her hanging.
Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!
What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left there hanging.
Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.
(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)