Fives jokes
What takes 10 parking spaces? Five women.
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
How old is uuuuuurrrr mom?
Five.
Cringe.... I know that was a crap joke... not even a joke.
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA? Because they weren't wanted.
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
Roses are red, I sniff marijuana, I have five fingers, The middle one is for your vagina.
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
An e-girl went to go high five a tree, but the tree left her hanging.
When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"
I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.