Fives jokes
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.
Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?
A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Why can't orphans have a five-star GTA because they're not wanted?
Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.
Why didn't Logan Paul high five the Asian man? Because he loves to leave Asians hanging.
I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.
I just left him hanging.
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."