I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
I wonder if the Titanic still sells fish?
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."
Then it all happened.
The fly dropped six inches.
The fish came up and caught the fly.
The bear came out and caught the fish.
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.
The mouse went for the sandwich.
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
What kind of fish knows math?
An anglerfish LOL
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed!
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
What do you call a fish with no parents?
An orfin.
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
Why are fish not sleeping? 'Cause the bed is wet.
What is 2+2? Fish.
Penis.
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.
My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"
If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
