Fish jokes

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?

They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.

Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

Why can't a blind person eat fish?

They can't see food.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

Roses are red, fishers are fishing,

I really hope you’ll be reported missing.

What are fish not allowed to have?

Seaweed.

Which fish is the most famous?

The star fish!

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.

Things we all do:

Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣

I do this too often!

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.