Fish jokes
My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?
There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
Why can't a blind person eat fish?
They can't see food.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
Which fish is the most famous?
The star fish!
Things we all do:
Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣
I do this too often!
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
Don't be emo, be happy, Nemo!
Roses are red, fishers are fishing,
I really hope you’ll be reported missing.