Firearm jokes
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
"Zre, um, be careful when using a gun, okay? And meh not fat, boy."
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?
The suicide squad.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
Why do you need an AR-15?
So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.
Why are the best used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
Name what guns are used for. {wrong answers only?}
Famous last words: "Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?
Special forces.
Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?
When the school shooter drops his gun, and the autistic kid picks it up thinking it’s his long lost nerf gun.