Father's jokes
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
Why do orphans go to church?
So they finally have someone to call father.
Why does an orphan like church so much? So he can call someone "father."
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"
The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."
The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"
The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Why do orphans go to church?
Not because they are religious, because they want someone to call father.
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.
What do you call an orphan who became a priest?
Father-less.
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
I will never forget my mother and father's last words.
"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"