Father's jokes
Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he could call someone Father.
What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
What do you call an orphan who became a priest?
Father-less.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
I will never forget my mother and father's last words.
"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
Why do they call priests "father?" Because it's too suspicious to call him "daddy!"