Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
So a daughter asks her father "dad what is you opinion on abortions?" So her father says why don't you ask your sister. The daughter responds "but I don't have a sister... Oh"
girl: daddy ive been a bad girl priest: for the last time its father I have sinned
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Dad. Son who do you want to marry when you grow up? Son. A ugly girl. Dad. Why not a pretty girl? Son. A pretty one might run away. Dad. So and ugly one might to. Son. Yeah but who cares.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common? You were bloody and battered but at least you're dad came.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
My father said I'm to reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support
What did the beaver say to his son? Dam son
i have no father. like if you relate
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.
Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"
Priest, "how so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"
Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"
Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"
Then Matt walks out the door
Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home. She realizes she's pregnant, and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feelling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father1"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
