Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him
So a daughter asks her father "dad what is you opinion on abortions?" So her father says why don't you ask your sister. The daughter responds "but I don't have a sister... Oh"
girl: daddy ive been a bad girl priest: for the last time its father I have sinned
Dad. Son who do you want to marry when you grow up? Son. A ugly girl. Dad. Why not a pretty girl? Son. A pretty one might run away. Dad. So and ugly one might to. Son. Yeah but who cares.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common? You were bloody and battered but at least you're dad came.
What did the beaver say to his son? Dam son
My father said I'm to reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support
Children are like farts. You can only tolerate your own.
i have no father. like if you relate
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law
I only remember my fathers last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest? Father Les.
Q: why can’t orphan be gay A: they have nobody to call daddy
