New Father Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.

"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."

I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.

I have no father. Like if you relate.

Father: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Father: So you won’t be bored. You’re going to need them there.

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

Your sister is your mother.

Your father is your brother.

You all shag one another.

The Inbred family.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.

Son: Why?

Father: You’ll need them there.

Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.

During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!

Hehe

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."