Family jokes
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
One day a son and his grandad were smoking.
Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.
I used to look up to my mom, but now that I am 12, I look down on her.
Dad: Johnny! Johnny!
Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Dad: Did you hit your brother?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Telling lies?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Let me see your fist.
Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!
Dad: What is so funny?
Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!
Dad: >:(
Little Johnny: What? It's true!
Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!
Dad: Love you too, son.
Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
Like if you don't have a dad.
Why do orphans go to church?
They go there to finally call someone "father."
You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."
Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?
Me: The boomerang came back.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back...
What do blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.