Family jokes
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Why do kids like to pick on orphans?
Because they can't call their parents.
Why do orphans get in trouble at school?
Because the school doesn't have any parents to report to.
My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."
"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?
Vin Diesel actually has family.
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡
Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐
Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬
Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱
Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*
Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤
Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨
Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠
Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤
Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮
Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫
Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?
What do you call your mom? Gay.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They don't know what home is.
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.
It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
Why don’t orphans play football?
They have no home field.
Why can’t orphans have sex, my friends? Why? They have none to call daddy.
Orphans have it lucky.
When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."
When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball??
They can’t hit a home run! 😂
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
If you bully a kid, bully an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?