"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
Family Jokes
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."
Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"
Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
