Family jokes

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?

Because they don't know who's Homer.

Violets are blue, roses are red.

Last night your mom was giving me head.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.

Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."

Father: "Sorry."

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

Why can’t orphans be gay?

They have no one to call "daddy".

What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?

Coach.

Q. What did Hitler give his niece for her birthday?

A. An easy bake oven.

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

Why do people love dating orphans?

Because they're always home alone.

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You make them clap until they go home.

My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.

Why can't an orphan be a YouTuber? Because most of the videos are family-friendly.

Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?

Their parents never say yes.

A joke becomes a dad joke when it leaves for milk and never comes back.

Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.