My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Why do orphans work boomerangs?
Because it's the only thing that comes back.
Why can't orphans play at a McDonald's play place? They don't have parent supervision.
Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.
He was the best pilot in Arab.
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Why can't an orphan play baseball or softball?
They can't find home. 🤣
What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?
Nemo was eventually found.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
I don't get it.
Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".
