Family jokes

Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.

Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?

Because they don't know who's Homer.

What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"

What’s an orphan's favorite movie?

Spider-Man: No Way Home.

Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

What do you call your angry French aunt?

A crossaunt.

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?

Cause that's the only way they get love.

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.

Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.