Family jokes
Are you a marry, because you are my mother?
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, βIf you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?β Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND the house.
Whatβs the difference between a dad and a boulder?
About 15 stone.
What's the best thing about an orphan GF?
You don't have to meet her parents.
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
What's the difference between friends and family?
One is actually real.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Yo mama joke.
Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.
Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.
I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.
What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.
MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]
"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."
"Son, stay out of the drawer."
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Clearly not their parents."
What is an orphan's favorite event?
Homecoming.
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
Why canβt orphans have a computer?
Because they donβt have a home page.
Once, an orphan purposely fell out of a tree. He forgot his parents wouldn't catch him.
Your mom has a bone to pick with me.