Family jokes
What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What’s an orphan's favorite movie?
Spider-Man: No Way Home.
Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."
Father: "Sorry."
Depression, I got it.
A girlfriend, don't got it.
A life, don't got it.
Help, got it.
Friends, don't got it.
Family, I got it.
Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!