Family jokes
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."
Father: "Sorry."
Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.
Depression, I got it.
A girlfriend, don't got it.
A life, don't got it.
Help, got it.
Friends, don't got it.
Family, I got it.
Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?
Coach.
My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.
Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."
Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
Adopt Me.
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
Why can't an orphan be a YouTuber? Because most of the videos are family-friendly.