Family jokes
I put the fun in dysfunctional.
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
What's the difference between a boomerang and parents to an orphan?
The boomerang comes back.
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All I got was dust and my mom's wig.
Like if you don't have a dad.
I used to look up to my mom, but now that I am 12, I look down on her.
One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.
Five years later, he came back and left again.
Your mom is ugly.
Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."
What does a man with 20 children do now?
Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.
When you ask an orphan to come over:
Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"
Orphan: "Yeah, sure."
Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."
Why do orphans like to go to church?
It is the only place where they can call a father.
Why did the orphan kill itself?
Because he's depressed about no family.
If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?
Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.
Orphan: My parents!
Me: You know that word?
Ur mom.
Oh wait, you don't have one.
Orphans don't have phones because the home button doesn't work.
Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.
Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.