Family jokes
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?
Because they don't know who's Homer.
What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What’s an orphan's favorite movie?
Spider-Man: No Way Home.
Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.