Family jokes

A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.

Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."

Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."

My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.

What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.

Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."

What’s an orphan's favorite movie?

Spider-Man: No Way Home.

Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?

Because they don't know who's Homer.

Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

What did the lawyer name his twins?

COURTney and CASEy.

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.