Family jokes

Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?

Because they don't know who's Homer.

Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."

"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"

"Who was in the race?"

"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

What’s an orphan's favorite movie?

Spider-Man: No Way Home.

Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.

What do you call your angry French aunt?

A crossaunt.

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."

Father: "Sorry."

Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.

Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.

He was the best pilot in Arab.

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

Why can’t orphans be gay?

They have no one to call "daddy".

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You make them clap until they go home.