Family Jokes

Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."

Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"

Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"

Dad: "Yes, we arson."

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?

A selfie.

I tried to tell an orphan a knock-knock joke, but sadly, there was no door to knock on.

Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?

Their parents never say yes.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Why do people love dating orphans?

Because they're always home alone.

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

A joke becomes a dad joke when it leaves for milk and never comes back.

"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

(Later)

"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"

The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."

What do orphans call their parents?

Unicorns because they don’t exist.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."

My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”