Family jokes

Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?

Cause that's the only way they get love.

What do you call your angry French aunt?

A crossaunt.

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

What did the lawyer name his twins?

COURTney and CASEy.

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.

Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."

Father: "Sorry."

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

Why can’t orphans be gay?

They have no one to call "daddy".