Family jokes

Why do orphans become hookers?

They can call someone daddy.

What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?

A selfie.

Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"

Dad: "Yes, we arson."

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...

Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

What do orphans call their parents?

Unicorns because they don’t exist.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

Kenny was into incest until his mom died.

Now he's into necrophilia.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.

My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"

"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."

"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"

"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."

"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"

"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."

"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"

Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

Why do orphans work boomerangs?

Because it's the only thing that comes back.

Why can't orphans play at a McDonald's play place? They don't have parent supervision.