Family jokes
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
Why don't orphans understand dad jokes?
"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.
Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."
Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"
Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?
Because they were triplets!
Why do orphans love Oreos?
Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!
Who likes penis?
My cousin!
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
What's the difference between friends and family?
One is actually real.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.
His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.
Coworker: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Coworker: Not your parents.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Why doesn’t the orphan have any toys? Because his Lego figures ran away too.
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.
My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."