Family jokes
Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
Kenny was into incest until his mom died.
Now he's into necrophilia.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"