Family jokes
Why can't orphans go on field trips?
There's no parent signature.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
Mommy, when will daddy come back?
I'm not your mom...
My face when my mom said we could go to McDonalds
Why do orphans go to the market?
To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.
One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"
Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"
Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"
Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Grandpa said, "Yes."
Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"
Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?
Me: Oh, good, you?
Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
Best part about being an orphan?
Not spending 1h30 at the table every night with your dad yelling, "What's 2*3?!!" And you crying, "I don't know!!!"
Why can't orphans have a home button on their phone?
Because they don't have homes.
Why can’t orphans go on “go big or go home?”
Cuz they’d always have to go big as they have no home.
My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked my mom how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your new stepfather."
Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.
The orphan wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
Your mom gay.
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
Why do orphans commit crimes?
To be wanted.
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.