Family jokes

What's the difference between you and your mom?

I slept with your mom.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they have to hit a home run.

Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.

Orphan: I don’t have parents.

My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."

I was playing baseball with orphans, but when they hit a homerun, they had nowhere to go.

What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?

"Full House."

Why is an orphan good at being naughty?

Because they don't have no one to tell them off.

Your mom is fat, and that's a joke.

Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?

They never reached home.

Why can't orphans get a home run?

Because they have no home to run to.

Yo mamma is so dumb, she will watch Disney Junior all night long.

Yo mama was so dumb, he didn't know how to turn on his computer.

"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.

When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.

Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.

Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.

Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*

Dad: Babe, we need to talk.

Mom: Okay......

Dad: He's grounded.

Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.

Son: Am I getting a new daddy?

Mom: Soon honey, soon....

Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.

Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"

Linda and Peter are having sex. Peter goes in and out hard then fast and then begins to taste her tits. Finally, he moves down to the vagina and eats her hard. His rouge is inside her body, lolling around. He fucks her hard again and his dick slicks up her vagina. The entire time she is moaning and begging for more.

When Linda cums on his penis she begins to lick his balls hard. Peter begins moaning too saying, "Linda, you're just as amazing at fucking as your sister."

So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.