Family jokes
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
Ur mama so fat that when she went to the ocean, all the whales started singing, "We are family," even knowing your fatter than me.
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Why couldn't the orphan go into the restaurant?
It was family friendly.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orphan.
Orphan who?
Are you my mommy?
Why don't orphans rob the bank?
Because they're not wanted.
Two mums hook up!
Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"
The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!
What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.
He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!
A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.
That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.
That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."
When the card declines on child insurance.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?
Because the iPhone X doesn't have a home button.