Family jokes

Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.

Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.

Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!

Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

Dad: Uh, yeah!

Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!

Parents: Sex!

Son: What?

Parents: Look, you can spectate!

Wanna hear a joke?

YOUR MOM!

OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

Why did the orphan cross the ride?

I forgot.

Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.

This news: family neuters furry son.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Q: How to hit an orphan?

A: Hit them with a family tree.

Best part about being an orphan?

Not spending 1h30 at the table every night with your dad yelling, "What's 2*3?!!" And you crying, "I don't know!!!"

Why can’t orphans live?

They don’t have parents.

Man: Oi, dude, why did you shoot the orphans!?

Other man: Because.

Man: Because why!?

Other man: Because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?

Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...

I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭

How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!

Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?

A: The dead body had a family.

What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?

If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.