Family jokes
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.
I smacked an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.
Why can't orphans go on field trips?
Parents' signature _______________________________
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
Cancer doesn't leave.
Why don't orphans play GTA?
Because they're sad they don't get wanted!
"Poo heads."
Yo mama's ass is mad crusty.
If an orphan was Spiderman, which movie would he be in?
"No Way Home."
You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
RYAN MY BELOVED SON WHERE ARE YOU?
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”