Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"
Why are priests called father? Because it's too sus to call them daddy!
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”
The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
I got kicked off Ancestry for asking if anyone wants to fuh.
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.
Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
A Chinese couple had a black baby and named him Sum Ting Wong.