So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too sus to call them daddy!
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
Kid: "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
A Chinese couple had a black baby and named him Sum Ting Wong.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.
My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
If an orphan was Spiderman, which movie would he be in?
"No Way Home."
