Family jokes
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.
Why did my dad leave me and my mum?
I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
Ur mom gay, lol.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "You're." "You're who?" "You're adopted!"
Teacher: I am an orphan.
Students: Oof.
Teacher: Is there anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Why can't orphans exit out of their games? They don't have a home button.
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they never get a full house.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient times?
Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!
Why are orphans always at school?
'Cause they can't be homeschooled.
Why couldn’t the orphan play baseball?
He had no home to run to!
How come your sister is hotter than you? Funny, huh?
You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.