Family jokes

So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"

Why are babies called bundles of joy?

When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.

Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.

Wanna hear a good joke?

My dad’s love for me.

Why do orphans want to be communist?

So they would have a motherland.

Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."

Me: "Why did you?"

Mom: "I was very drunk..."

Explains a lot...

What did the beaver say to his son?

Dam, son.

Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.

Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-

Me: Lower lips.

Friend: I gotta go.

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Cause it's a family company.

Quiet kid: "I'm home!"

Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"

Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"

What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Criminals are wanted.

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.

When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.