Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would we 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
By:Xzavier
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potato's." *SMACK*! mother slapped mark. She then asked suzie, "what would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatos" said suzie *SMAACK*! she slapped suzie. "Ok. Johnny, what would you like to eat?" Well.... I sure as hell dont want no fucking potatos.
Where does an orphan come from?
Daddy getting milk
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tear left to cry...
jack and jill went up the hill to find there dad again
I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
So Kenny finally found his one true love. But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.
I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
Why arent orphans good at monopoly?
They dont know what a house is
why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water? “ Because his dad never brought the milk.”
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement
My dad coming back.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia Are they still brother and Sister?
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, " What is a tragedy?" One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "if my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy." A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!" "Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
Why did the orphan cross the road? To find his family Sorry
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed but I remembered you were adopted...
I will always remeber my dads last words.... "15 dollars and ill jump."
