Family jokes
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
I would tell you a story of my dad... If I knew who he was.
Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?
Me: 'Cause God made you.
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?
She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.
Wouldn’t the person be dead before the strangling starts? Unless Alastor did surgery?
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
Why are half of the orphans blind? Because they can't find their parents.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
Why does an orphan like The Beatles? Because it's family friendly.
My family.
Why do orphans hate dodgeball?
No one misses them.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."
My sis was funny but sad because I have a boy and she doesn't.
What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.
Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Why did the son go to the store?
To find his dad.