Family jokes

Kid: "I fucked your mom."

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

A Chinese couple had a black baby and named him Sum Ting Wong.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.

When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.

I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.

My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭

I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.

If an orphan was Spiderman, which movie would he be in?

"No Way Home."

Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."

Cousins make dozens.

Wanna hear a good joke?

My dad’s love for me.

My dad just comes and goes.

Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?

Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.

Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?

- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!