Family jokes
An orphan boy at my school did really badly on a test and started crying. I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
Yo, stop making 9/11 jokes. My grandpa was a pilot.
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient times?
Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Teacher: Is anyone's parents missing?
Students: Yeah, yours.
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
What TV series do orphans hate?
"House, M.D."
What do orphans and deaf people have in common?
They can't hear their parents.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
Why are orphans always at school?
'Cause they can't be homeschooled.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang. Unlike its parents, it comes back.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because he can’t find home plate.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.
The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.
Why do orphans go to church?
To call someone "father."
Can someone be my daddy?