Family jokes

Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.

So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."

What movie do orphans relate to the most?

- Home Alone

How did the blind boy's parents punish him?

Rearrange the furniture.

What's the difference between my dad and Nemo?

I don't know. I still haven't found them.

Dmitriy has no mother.

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

If I slap an orphan, what will it do, tell its parents? 🤣😂🤣😂

Why do orphans not play sport?

Because they need parents' permission.

My bully: Your face is ugly.

Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.

My bully: :(

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

Your mum... payed other people to take you!!!!

Me sais yes to mom when she seis wha is 1 plus 1 and me is says NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! looooooooooooooooooolllolololololol

If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂

Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.

Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"

"Yeah, I'm taking her home."

He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."

We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?

“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”

Why are orphans bad at dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?

'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...

Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.

I was playing baseball with orphans, but when they hit a homerun, they had nowhere to go.