An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
Teacher: I was an orphan once.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?
Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?
Because they can’t see their parents.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: The highway.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
