Family Jokes

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant. Dad: well is she already part of the family? Son: Yes, why? Dad: then there’s no need to be worried.

I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day, I love being a hitman

Roses are red my mental health is blue Karen got no mom like you.

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage

Son:why

Father:you’ll need them there

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes and I replied with its not that deep

I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.

I know an orphan named Zara and he has never hade homemade food

what do a blind person and a orphan have in comen= they both can not see there family

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

I was walking till i saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said where are your parents? He cried even more. oh i just love talking to orphans.

what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?

Niagra falls

(there was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato and a baby tomato)

Baby: wait for me!

(father tomato walks back towards the baby)

(he squishes the child)

Father: Ketchup

There was a little kid crying in the park today, i askd him where his parents were. Now i realize, man i love my job

911, what’s your emergency? I asked, and listening to the quiet sobs of a litte kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me” the girl said and cried making me freeze on the spot as i recognized my daughter’s voice.

my gay ass: i want to find jesus religous mom: FINALLY me: grabs a noose

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

For some reason when my mom eat hot dogs she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son can anyone tell me why ?

Me: good night everyone My friends and family: night Me: *gets in coffin* My family: *stares at my friends* you aren't going to do something?!? My friends: *to my family* nope, this is normal.