Family jokes
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: ______
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.
How to make an orphan's hand bleed? By making them clap until their parents come back.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.