Family jokes
I'll call your mom a cow, but which one?
Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.
What is an orphan's first phone?
An iPhone 12. Wanna know why?
It has no home button :D
My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?
He thought his son sucked!
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
Why does an orphan have an iPhone XR for their first phone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
Why did an orphan say, "I'm wanted?" Because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.
Why can orphans only have iPhone 13s?
Because there is no home button.
What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
Why do orphans have no parents?
Because they are so fucking useless!
I wrote a few jokes:
What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.
Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.
What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.
Your hairline receded just like your father did years ago.
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
Why can orphans only have iPhones 14s? Because they can't have a home button.
An orphan boy at my school did really badly on a test and started crying. I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”