Family jokes
Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.
Your momma! OHHHHH!
Why can't an orphan build a website? Because it won't have a homepage.
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
I accidentally said, "Go cry to your mom," to an orphan. 😭
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"
I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.
God, I love working at an orphanage!
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.
Why can't orphans play football?
Because they can't be on the home team.
Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.
T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
So she could have someone to call daddy.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Why can't orphans go to parents' evening? Because their parents left them.
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.