Family jokes

I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

Sister, you're ugly.

Other sister: I'm not your reflection.

PS. Sorry if it is not funny.

Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?

A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.

Why do orphans love going to church?

Because they can call someone "father."

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they have someone to call "Father."

Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

Son: What's for dinner tonight?

Mom: Steak!

Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?

Mom: HUNGER!

Daddy, where's my anus?

I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug.

What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?

They both will die alone.

What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?... One always gets picked.

The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family.

Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯

Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:

1. A Lambo

2. A House

3. UR MOM

Maybe we should stop talking about orphans, their parents will get ma... oh wait.

Why do orphans wish they had a bounty on them so that they can be wanted?

I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.

Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.