Family jokes
I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
Where do orphans shop? Home Depot.
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
To have someone to call "daddy!"
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Q. What is an orphan's favorite game?
A. Hide and seek.
Yo mama's so dumb, she trips over the wireless internet.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.
Why did the orphan turn gay?
A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."